His wife had a fulfilling job that involved working for a local company she was passionate about.
Her role required her to travel nationally and internationally for about 12 to 18 weeks annually.
Her Demanding Schedule
On top of those travel periods, there were ten weeks each year when she worked in their city during nights and weekends, often putting in 6 or 7 days a week with a Monday off.
In short, she was either away or working during evenings and weekends for approximately half of the year.
He Was The Breadwinner
They had a child. The husband was the family’s breadwinner. His wife’s job brought in around 40% of his earnings, which went towards covering daycare expenses and a few other things.
He Took Responsibility for Caring for The Child
When she was away on business, he took on the full responsibility of caring for their child except for the eight hours the child was in daycare, during which he had to focus on his work.
Like Single Parenting
Taking care of their child during his wife’s travels and on numerous weekends became incredibly challenging. He felt like he was a single parent.
Overwhelmed by Responsibilities
His job was demanding, and he needed to work after he’d put their child to bed, leaving him with little time to attend to household chores like cleaning the kitchen, tidying up the house, and fulfilling his other responsibilities.
A Husband’s Concerns
He told her he could support her career if they decided to stick with just one child. However, if they still wanted to have two children, he’d have concerns about her being able to sustain her current career.
Overwhelmed
He continued to express himself to her and said he found it difficult to see how he could manage the responsibilities of taking care of two children during the mornings, including school, daycare, and events, as well as handling evenings and weekends entirely on his own while working full time.
Confronting Tough Choices
His wife called him weak and said she did not want to leave her job. However, she said she would do so to have a second child.
The Looming Resentment
Nevertheless, he is concerned that if she does quit, she might develop resentment towards him, which could result in challenging times for everyone involved.
He turned to an online platform to ask for advice and received different responses.
The Weight of Childcare Responsibilities
One user responded by saying they thought his position was reasonable. They continue to say that caring for children is a big responsibility, and his wife doesn’t seem to know how hard it is since she’s not the primary caretaker. They were concerned that his wife labeled him weak and suggested they get couples counseling before his wife decides to quit her job and have a second child.
Finding Common Ground
Another user stated that he is evaluating reasonably and offering potential solutions, but his wife seemed inclined to blame him. The user goes on to say counseling could be beneficial in helping her understand that this isn’t a request and that he is simply pointing out the situation’s logic and attempting to make plans.
The Relationship Killer
A different user contributed, emphasizing that resentment can be detrimental to a relationship and if ignored, can ultimately destroy it. They stated that it tends to occur more when minor issues accumulate over time. In the case of something as significant as children and careers, it can destroy the relationship rapidly.
Effective Communication is Crucial
A user pointed out how he phrases the request is crucial. They suggested instead of asking his wife to “quit her job” and become a stay-at-home parent, he should approach the situation by suggesting that she “transition to a different job with more family-friendly working hours.”
The Work-Life Balance Dilemma
Another user responded, “If you want a job with this lifestyle, you don’t have kids.” They added that fathers who are excessively absent due to work face similar challenges. The user did not stop there. He continued to say that they observed that he is essentially handling all the parenting duties, household chores, and maintaining a full-time job without any support from his wife.
They concluded there should be no consideration of a second child unless she is willing to scale back her work commitments and take on a more active role as a mother.
Must There Be an Ultimatum?
One user shared a personal story about his father’s frequent travel due to work and how, even though his mother was physically present during their upbringing, his father’s occasional presence provided valuable support during tough times. As he grew older, he appreciated his father’s experience and guidance and wouldn’t exchange it for more frequent presence.
The user’s point was that having children and a travel-heavy job isn’t impossible despite the challenges.
The Impact of Words in a Relationship
“Weak? Is English not her first language? Or is she trying to belittle you?” inquired one user, who went on to express their perspective, saying that they wouldn’t consider having more children with someone who reacts like that to a completely valid statement. Raising one child is already challenging, and two can be even more demanding.
Is Her Job Worth It?
A user suggested that if she’s traveling extensively and her income barely covers daycare costs, there might be valid concerns regarding her job and that she doesn’t seem fairly compensated.
Stand Firm
Another user also mentioned that it’s understandable for her to desire a second child since the first one doesn’t require much of her time. They advised him to stay firm in their position and not tolerate insults.
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Susan is the founder of Susan's Socials, a social media agency focused on Flipboard. She is also a content curator, encouraging a healthy lifestyle through topics such as pets, food, travel, home decor, gardening, and fashion.
