Jenny is a 38-year-old lady. Her best friend, Violet, is 39 years old. The two women have been friends for 26 years.
A Friend Indeed
They experienced similar health issues over the years. Jenny recently underwent a surgical procedure and thought it would benefit her friend Violet. She, therefore, recommended it to her, and Violet’s doctor agreed.
Wrong Timing
Violet booked an appointment for the surgery and informed Jenny that it coincided with her birthday in two months.
She Handled Unexpected News Gracefully
Although surprised by the news, Jenny calmly asked her friend Violet if it could be rescheduled for another day.
Recovery
Despite booking the surgery on Jenny’s birthday, Violet told her that she would require her assistance in her recovery.
She Already Had Plans
Jenny already had annual birthday plans with my family, who were coming to town specifically for that reason.
A Disappointed Friend
Jenny viewed her friend’s actions as rude and selfish. She wouldn’t have done the same to her.
A Pattern of Disregard
This wasn’t the first instance of Violet doing such a thing.
A few months earlier, her friend scheduled surgery on Jenny’s late mother’s birthday. The date remains emotionally significant to her, as her mother passed away 17 years ago.
Torn Between Loyalty and Personal Happiness
Jenny wanted to support her friend but also thought she shouldn’t have to postpone her birthday celebrations. It was the only day each year when she enjoyed the company of her friends and family altogether.
Respect Is Apparently Not Mutual
Because of Violet’s previous struggles with alcohol addiction, she did not attend Jenny’s birthday parties.
Out of respect, Jenny would organize a separate sober event for the two of them to enjoy together. Why couldn’t Violet respect her wishes in return?
Family Priorities
Jenny’s mom had already planned an event for that day and suggested Violet reschedule the surgery.
A Good Friend
Assisting Violet during her six to eight-week recovery period would not be a problem for Jenny.
A Friendship Commitment?
Jenny couldn’t help but wonder why she scheduled surgery that day or was reluctant to reschedule since it wasn’t a time-critical procedure.
She turned to an online forum seeking advice, and here are some of the responses she received.
The Importance of Clear Communication
One user responded, suggesting that both parties might have had unrealistic expectations. They expressed that it’s perfectly acceptable to communicate one’s availability or unavailability.
It’s wrong to ask someone to change their surgery plans or cancel their important events for each other’s convenience. Both have conflicting commitments, and the mature way to handle this is by setting clear boundaries and finding solutions that consider each other’s availability.
Grow Up
“I had to look twice at the ages because this seems way more childish and self-centered for women on the cusp of 40,” was one user’s response.
Advance Notice and Alternatives
Another user argued that Violet was aware of the date of Jenny’s birthday. She should have considered rescheduling if she required Jenny’s presence for her care. Otherwise, she should find an alternative for the role.
The user ended her comment by wishing Jenny a fantastic birthday celebration and an early happy birthday.
Reading Between the Lines
One user suggested that Violet’s scheduling of two surgeries on two important dates within seven months and the additional expectation that Jenny provides care appears almost intentional.
“Is it possible that she is insecure and wants you to show that she holds the utmost importance in your life?” questions one user. They continue to ask, “Could she be showing controlling behavior in other aspects, such as attempting to restrict Jenny’s drinking because she can’t do so herself?”
An Immature Situation
Another user commented that that situation seemed immature on the surface. However, some details caught their attention. Their advice was to communicate that she had family members arriving in town and had already made arrangements for their visit. They advised Jenny to let her friend know that she would be willing to assist with her care if she reschedules her surgery for a date when she doesn’t have prior commitments.
Can You Even Choose A Surgery Day?!
“Where the heck do you get to choose your surgery day?” a user asked. They shared how hard it was for them to get to reschedule theirs.
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Susan is the founder of Susan's Socials, a social media agency focused on Flipboard. She is also a content curator, encouraging a healthy lifestyle through topics such as pets, food, travel, home decor, gardening, and fashion.
