Joan is preparing for her upcoming traditional-style wedding and envisions uniform attire for all her bridesmaids and groomsmen.
The Bridal Party
Initially, she had four bridesmaids. All of them identified as females, except for Ellie.
Versatile Style
Ellie occasionally wears dresses and embraces a more feminine style, so Joan thought having them as one of her bridesmaids wouldn’t be an issue.
Dress Code Dilemma
Ellie accepted the invitation, knowing they needed to wear a dress and makeup. However, they felt somewhat uncomfortable with the dress being pink.
Wedding Palette in Advance
Still, Joan and her fiancé had chosen pink and navy as their wedding colors months in advance, and they settled on a long, simple A-line dress for all the bridesmaids with everyone’s approval.
Change of Mind
About a month before the wedding, Ellie told Joan they would no longer wear a dress or makeup.
Uncomfortably Feminine
Ellie’s hair was short when they received the initial invitation but had since grown out. They explained that combining the dress, makeup, and long hair would make them feel uncomfortably feminine.
Take It or Leave It
In response, Joan told Ellie they either needed to wear the dress or couldn’t be a bridesmaid because she didn’t want them to be the odd one out.
Inconsiderate Bride
Some bridal party members, including Ellie and another bridesmaid, have voiced their concerns and described Joan as petty and inconsiderate.
Missing in Action
Ellie even threatened not to attend the wedding at all.
Second Thoughts
Joan is now questioning whether her initial request was unfair, considering Ellie’s original agreement. She turned to an online forum to gather opinions from other brides.
The Power of Open Communication
A commenter suggested that the situation might have unfolded differently if Ellie had voiced her thoughts at the outset. However, the challenge comes from initially agreeing to certain expectations and then changing one’s stance.
Whether or not a non-binary individual is involved, the outcome remains. If any female bridesmaids were to express disagreement and seek changes after the fact, it wouldn’t pose an issue as “they couldn’t expect to still be a bridesmaid and not match the others.”
Not Justified
Another user pointed out that Ellie was initially free to decide when asked to be a bridesmaid. Altering their decision afterward doesn’t justify their expectation to retain their position in the bridal party.
All Focus on The Bride
A user emphasized that Ellie should not redirect the focus of the wedding toward themself. They must willingly step down if they feel uncomfortable being a bridesmaid (a term implying a female role).
Non-Binary Perspective
In response, a user shared their perspective as a non-binary individual, stating that the responsibility for this situation lies with Ellie. They expressed a personal connection to the issue, explaining that they experience dysphoria from makeup and long hair. They stated they would have promptly communicated their preferences, indicating they wouldn’t wear a dress.
The original poster emphasized that the wedding plans had been in place for months, and Ellie was the one who made a last-minute change. They stressed that the poster is not obligated to address this matter. The user concluded by stating that Ellie should either find a way to manage their dysphoria or agree not to be a bridesmaid.
More Stories From Dukes Avenue
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Susan is the founder of Susan's Socials, a social media agency focused on Flipboard. She is also a content curator, encouraging a healthy lifestyle through topics such as pets, food, travel, home decor, gardening, and fashion.
