Ever since he was in college, he had a fascination with watches that grew over time.
An Investment in Time
He didn’t make much money while in college, so he would only spend money on watches that cost between $20 and $100 at most.
A New Job
After graduating in computer science, he got a job offer for a high-paying job. He decided to spend his first couple of paychecks on a nicer watch, within the $4000 range.
The Girlfriend
He met his girlfriend a few years ago and started dating her pretty quickly.
She’s a social worker, earning around $40k a year. He earns approximately $130k a year.
Co-Habiting Habits
They decided to move in with each other and rented an apartment together. The place is not expensive and they split the bills evenly for rent. He generally pays for all their meals outside and on random things like vacations for both of them since he makes more.
The Rolex
Since he started working, he has had his eye on a Rolex watch that’s around the $12-15k range.
Silliness
When he mentioned it to his girlfriend a few months back, she thought it was silly to spend so much.
He Bought the Watch
He ultimately decided to buy the watch two weeks ago. He was so happy when he got it that he kept it on for several days.
The BBQ
He and his girlfriend hung out at her friend’s place and had a BBQ with ten people. One of her friends noticed his watch and suddenly became very judgmental of him buying it.
Unnecessary Concern
They asked how much it cost, and his girlfriend blurted out that it was over $10k. Some of her friends seemed very concerned that he just blew that much money on a watch.
He Spoke Too Much
He admits he made the mistake of saying he has several cheaper watches within the $5k range at home after one of her friends asked his girlfriend why she’d allow him to spend so much.
She Felt Embarrassed
Once they got home, his girlfriend started crying and screaming at him. She claims she embarrassed her at her friend’s place and asked him why he wore the watch there.
She said everyone there makes around as much as her, and wearing such an expensive watch around them was tacky.
He Disagreed
He told her he disagreed. He worked hard for where he’s at, and to him, this watch symbolizes the effort he has put in – it’s personal. He didn’t buy it for others and doesn’t tell everyone about the watch.
What’s the Difference?
He asked her what the difference was since one of her friends there was engaged and had a diamond ring on. His girlfriend had no answer, and now, they haven’t spoken for two days.
Was He Wrong?
He was confused and didn’t understand what he did wrong. He turned to an online audience to ask for help.
Appearance Matters More Than Feelings
“Your girlfriend seems to be more concerned about how this looks to her friends than what the situation actually is,” says one user. “Her telling you your hobby/collecting is silly is a bit rude, especially since you make enough money to support it comfortably.”
Both Have a Point
One user sees things differently and thinks both are wrong: “Your girlfriend for guilting you about how you spend your money, and you for talking about how much more you’ve spent on other watches in front of a bunch of social workers who make a third of what you do.”
They added, “Also, if you’re going to stay with your girlfriend, you need to be tactful in discussing this. “I deserve this because I work hard” is true, but it’s also really lacking in empathy when you’re talking to someone who makes so much less money than you do, even though they also work really hard. I’m sure you don’t think you work 3x harder than your girlfriend. I’d also bet that how little they get paid for how hard they work and how little society values their work is a common complaint for social workers.”
Not On The Same Page
Another commenter suggests that the couple gets on the same page regarding their finances. They also say, “Wearing a watch to a casual BBQ where most of the people couldn’t afford it with six months’ salary is a bit tactless. It isn’t wrong to buy and enjoy nice things, but kind of odd to wear it in that situation.”
A Matter of Perspective
Another user says it’s a matter of perspective: “When you walk into a room of people that make double your watch, I feel like you didn’t really read the situation well. Your girlfriend feels insecure. You can afford those nice things. She can’t. And with her career path, she likely never will be able to buy those luxury items, at least not in the quantity you do. To her, $15k means something COMPLETELY different than it does to you. $15k is rent, car payments, food. Essentials for living. Luxury products don’t fit into the budget!”
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