John worked as a server at a university. His daughter held part-time jobs at Starbucks and a local restaurant during her school years.
A Personal Perspective
This first-hand experience gave John and his daughter insight into how servers earned their income.
Honoring Mom
His father-in-law invited them for a dinner celebration for his wife’s birthday. They dined at a lovely Greek restaurant located in his father-in-law’s neighborhood.
Father-in-Law’s Generosity
The father-in-law offered to pay for the fantastic meal they had.
Tipping Tradition with the In-Laws
John has known his in-laws for nearly twenty years and knows his father-in-law does not tip servers. Because of this, he always carries money to tip whenever they dine out together.
Going the Extra Mile
On their way out, he glanced at the check and put approximately 20% more cash on top of the payment.
Dining Drama
At a previous meal, his father-in-law unintentionally overpaid and made quite a fuss about receiving the excess change in the same restaurant.
Fearing the father-in-law’s anger a second time, the server came running back to them with the tip he had left, thinking that the father-in-law had once again accidentally overpaid.
When Generosity Leads to Misinterpretation
His father-in-law knew precisely how much he had paid, which didn’t include a fifty-dollar bill.
This upset his father-in-law.
He said John disrespected him by leaving the money, which implied that he was cheap after treating them to a meal at a nice restaurant.
Recognizing the Server’s Efforts
He was just being considerate to the server, and his intention wasn’t to seek attention or cause trouble. He recognized that they occupied a table for nearly two hours, and felt she deserved a tip.
A Marital Misunderstanding
John’s wife was angry at him for upsetting her father.
Daddy Knows Best
His daughter hugged him and affirmed that he was correct in leaving a tip for the server.
After the event, John shared his story in one online forum and asked if he was wrong for tipping the server. Many people replied, here is what they said.
The Wisdom of a Former Waitress
One 68-year-old woman replied that she worked as a waitress for a few years while in a business school. She always tips 20-30%, maintains politeness, and is very generous in using “please” and “thank you”.
Her experience as a waitress taught her valuable lessons, and she will ensure she never is a discourteous customer.
A Boomer’s Perspective
Another user shared their experience: “I recently had a server accidentally knock over a full glass of red wine down my front. She was in full panic mode and shocked when I laughed it off. She brought me a generous supply of clean cloths to wipe with and, after blotting, I was no worse for wear.
I assured her I was very familiar with how washing machines work. She kept telling me how nice I was, making me wonder what reaction she had expected. I still tipped my usual 25%.
And yeah, I’m a boomer and always knew being a server wouldn’t be a good fit for me.”
They concluded by saying that they greatly respect people who excel in challenging jobs and never attempt to add unnecessary difficulty to their tasks.
Service Workers and the Fear of Unkindness
A user shared their sadness about how service employees often anticipate encountering rude individuals. They recounted a recent incident during a grocery delivery where their groceries were mixed up with someone else’s. They noticed the mistake before the driver left and went through everything to sort it out together. The driver repeatedly apologized, prompting the user to use their usual response, saying, “If this is the worst thing that happens today, then life is good.” The user expressed frustration with how some unkind individuals are causing fear among service workers, even for honest mistakes.
Generational Differences in Tipping
Another user shared that her parents, who are also elderly, tend to give small tips. They reason that they decide to work in this profession and that if they desire higher pay, they should seek different employment.
They then complain, saying, “Nobody wants to work” when restaurants face staff shortages.
Reasons to Tip
“FIL sounds like my parents. They would step up and try to wrest the tip from my hand, scream at me afterward, and refuse to go to a restaurant or order in if it meant giving a tip. They considered tipping nearly Satanically evil,” says one user.
They continue, “I had to tell them “Look, do you ever wonder why your service is so bad? Why your pizza doesn’t arrive for an hour? Why your Chinese food arrived ice cold? They know you don’t tip and don’t give a damn why; they are discouraging you from ordering!”
The Financial Impact of Not Tipping
A user mentions how, during their undergraduate years, they worked as both a server and a bartender, and not receiving tips was a distressing experience, both personally and financially. They go on to express and say the father-in-law displays a lack of generosity and really shouldn’t dine out if he’s unwilling to cover the entire expense of the meal, which, of course, includes both the bill and the tip.
His Son Refused to Learn Table Manners, and Is Now Paying the Price With His Girlfriend. Dad Finds This Amusing, Is He Wrong?
A father shared the story of how his son tends to belch a lot while eating. On several occasions, he tried telling his son to change his behavior while eating because it was rude and disgusting. The son paid the price for not listening on a recent date with his girlfriend.
She Refused to Pay for Her Brother-in-Law’s Heart Surgery with Her Inheritance, But Now Her Sister is Guilt-Tripping Her. Should She Pay?
A father died and left his two daughters a sizeable amount of money. One chose to spend it, the other chose to save it to pay for college. When the husband of one of the daughters got sick, and needed the money, his wife had to turn to her sister. Should she loan them the money?
She Refused To Give Her Late Husband’s Estate to His Kids and Gave It to Someone Unrelated. Was She Wrong?
A middle-aged woman had been married to her husband for 20 years before he recently died of cancer. After his passing, she chose to give his entire estate to someone unrelated.
Her Daughter’s Teacher Refused to Use Her Real Name, But She Wasn’t Backing Down. Was She Wrong?
Her daughter liked to be called by her proper name. When her Spanish teacher started calling her by the Spanish version of her name, the mother felt the need to get involved.
Susan is the founder of Susan's Socials, a social media agency focused on Flipboard. She is also a content curator, encouraging a healthy lifestyle through topics such as pets, food, travel, home decor, gardening, and fashion.
