Psychologists, gurus, and celebrities all have their two cents on how to train your mind. With so much information out there, it’s easy to get overwhelmed—not a super way to start your mindfulness journey. Perhaps it’s better to begin with baby steps.
Here are 20 surprisingly simple ways to maintain a positive mindset and find your happy place.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
As Theodore Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy. It can be hard not to measure yourself against everyone else when society sets up the race. But the fact is, the comparison is false. There is no one else exactly like you—this isn’t snowflake thinking; it’s a fact. Though others may be similar in one way or another, we are each our own cocktail of genes, life experiences, talents, skills, etc. It’s your journey, own it.
Feel Awe
It’s been scientifically proven that awe is good for the brain. Feeling awe takes us out of ourselves. It freezes the mental treadmill, reducing anxiety and depression. It even increases creativity. Being in nature is a surefire way to feel awe—mountains, vistas, vast open spaces, and oceans will reset your mind.
Be Curious
Swapping judgment and worry for curiosity is a great way to shift into a positive mindset. It’s been shown that just the act of asking questions flips the switch, even if we don’t get any answers. It allows you to observe thoughts and feelings, not get stuck in them. For instance, instead of ruminating about your lack of self-esteem, you can ask yourself: “What’s getting in the way of my feeling confident?”
Being curious is also useful in our interactions with other people. Instead of feeling affronted by someone’s behavior, however justified, you can ask yourself: “Why is this so triggering for me?” You can be curious about why the other person is acting that way—what’s really going on for them?
Feel Your Feelings
Doctors Emily and Amelia Nagoski have an insightful way of describing emotions—they see them as tunnels. Fascinatingly, they say we get stuck in an emotional tunnel when we repress a feeling. When we face it, however, we move through the tunnel out the other end. They discovered that when we truly allow ourselves to feel an emotion, it only lasts a few seconds. As Carl Jung put it, “What you resist persists.” Finding contentment lies on the other side of the tunnel.
Say No
You are allowed to say no to other people’s demands on your time, energy, and resources. This is something powerful to remind yourself of when you feel people pushing your boundaries. Some people suggest saying “no” at least five times every day. When you say yes, you truly mean it, which is more respectful to yourself and others.
Let People Manage Their Own Problems
You may think that to be a good person, you must help people when they are battling a problem. While it’s noble to want to fix things, often, the most respectful thing is to take a step back. Afford people the dignity to overcome their own life hurdles. By not taking control of their situation, you are showing them that you think they are capable of handling it themselves.
It can be quite tricky to get your head around, and of course, it’s ok to help in some situations. But if it’s a problem someone can solve for themselves, leave them to it. Your peace of mind will thank you.
Kick Toxic Positivity to the Curb
With so much emphasis on positive thinking, you might think you need to force yourself to be positive 24/7. But it doesn’t work that way. It is ok to feel blue, disappointed, angry, and all other feelings with negative connotations. Your pain is valid. It’s part of being human. Addressing it with compassion will bring you into a better headspace.
Listen to Your Body
Our bodies don’t lie. There’s a reason you feel it in your gut when something feels off, or you get muscle tension when you’re stressed and rashes and colds when you’re overworked. If you don’t want to face a truth or have been conditioned to suppress it, your body will find a way to tell you. As Bessel van der Kolk says, the body keeps the score. Listen to your body; it will guide you to happiness.
Focus on the Little Things
The Norwegians have a secret to well-being; it’s called Hygge. It’s all about coziness. About nestling in duvets, drinking hot cocoa, hanging twinkle lights, and eating good food with friends. It’s a beautiful concept as it points out that the little things in life are the most important. You can be happy in the moment; you don’t need the latest car, a promotion, or life-changing event. Magic is already waiting for you in the now.
Give Your Inner Critic a Doggie Makeover
Sonia Choquette suggests a unique way of dealing with your inner critic—see it as a yappy dog, the kind that disturbs the whole neighborhood. Now, decide what your specific dog looks like. Is it a snobby poodle? A nervous chihuahua? A sassy pomeranian or a stubborn bulldog? Next, name it—Fifi, Ernesto, Bob, Sir Yaps-a-lot, whatever feels right.
Whenever you hear your inner critic, see it as this funny dog. What is it really trying to do? Protect you. But as a dog, it can’t take the wheel and drive your decisions. By seeing it this way, you can keep it in the yard and steer your thoughts to happier places.
Keep a Diary
Many different diaries can help you find contentment. Arguably, the most well-known is the gratitude diary, where you jot down things you’re grateful for each day. But you can also use a journal to empty your head of worries, gaining perspective when you see them on paper.
Keeping a “done list,” a record of everything you’ve accomplished that day, no matter how small, is a great way to build confidence. Creating a photo journal and adding a picture of a moment that made you feel “you” daily can help you find your way back to your true essence. Do what works for you.
Have Some Time Just for Yourself
Many of us feel like this is an unrealistic notion. But carving out some time for yourself, whether for a run, a bath, a pottery class, or a coffee, is vital to mental health. Make the time, and don’t feel bad about it.
Trust
Some call it faith, some call it intuition, others call it the universe, and some simply say trust—however you see it, trusting that everything will be ok is a big secret to a positive mindset and contentment. It’s about knowing that even if the worst comes to pass you can handle it, while hoping for the best and believing it will come true.
Surround Yourself With People You Admire
You become the people you surround yourself with. Often, we make excuses for hanging onto family and friends who are bad influences or just terrible people. We think we can save them or that we have to be loyal. But, the more time you spend with them, the more they rub off on you, and the more normal their behavior and actions become.
The opposite is also true—when we surround ourselves with positive people who we respect, we become more like them. It boils down to a choice between being happy or being miserable.
Don’t Take It Personally
Have you ever heard of David J. Pollay’s Law of the Garbage Truck? Basically, it says people are like garbage trucks. They carry around frustration, anger, emotional baggage, etc. Sometimes, they decide to dump that garbage onto you—don’t let them! You don’t have to onboard their trash. It’s their mess, not yours.
It also helps to remember that how someone reacts or “dumps garbage on you” says more about them than about you. Often, what they say is subconsciously directed at themselves. Take a step back and keep your garden trash-free.
Switch Off
A popular and true contentment tip? Switch off your phone, laptop, and devices for some time out every day. Disconnect. Hop off the polarising news Ferris wheel. Don’t get sucked into online drama. Be in the moment and connect with yourself, family, or friends instead.
Question Your Thoughts
Whether you think the world is against or on your side, you’re right. Our beliefs define our reality as they’re the lens through which you see the world. If you believe everyone wants you to fail, you will look for evidence of this. If you think you’ll always find support, this will be true for you. It is called confirmation bias.
Flip the script in your mind—whenever you find yourself dipping into negative thoughts, use Byron Katie’s four-question trick: Ask yourself, Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you think that negative thought? Who would you be without the thought?
Find a Sense of Belonging in the Right Place
Many people experience loneliness; in fact, there’s an epidemic. It’s easy to see why we try desperately to belong, even when those relationships and friend circles don’t share our values and interests.
The key is to find belonging in yourself and trust you will find it with others, even if it takes time and doesn’t look like the friend squads you see on TV. Chats with your neighborhood barista might fill you with positivity more than ten cocktail hours with a group of friends who tear you down. Belonging takes on many forms and changes throughout our lives. Find the right fit for you.
Just Breathe
Meditation and mindfulness are having a moment for good reason. They are an excellent way to quieten the inner commentary and take a mental commercial break. Breathing is the only automatic and involuntary bodily function we can also consciously control. Focusing on our breathing regulates our nervous system, lowers cortisol, and brings about calm.
Have Fun
Why do we take life so seriously? Entering a state of play is the most natural thing to do, but as adults, many of us feel like we have to turn that part of ourselves off. But having fun is vital to good health. It reduces stress and increases creativity. It makes us happy. There are many ways to have fun—you can go to an art class, bake cookies with your kids, listen to ABBA, start a band, or do cartwheels in the park. Whatever floats your fun boat.
Let Go and Be Free
Having a positive mindset and finding contentment has more to do with letting go than doing more. Sometimes, just cutting ties with things that hold us back, like judgment, obligation, and doubt, and doing what literally feels good in the moment is the secret to enlightenment!
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